if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
