you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
