I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
