a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
