He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
