I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
