there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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