i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
