I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
