We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
