That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
