I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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