The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
should my penis look like a turkey
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
