I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
