What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
