i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
