It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
my poor anus
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
