Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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