he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
