The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I cannot find my penis.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
