it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
