well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
