Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
