when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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