I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
