oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Can Purell be used as lube?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
