WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
