I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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