I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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