he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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