I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
