Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Two words: nipple clamps
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