Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
