Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
