EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
