she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
