We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Everything about him screamed your future.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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