She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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