talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
