She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
