If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
