Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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