I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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