So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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