I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Two words: blizzard sex
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
A+ Viking dick
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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