I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
