...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
