umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
