My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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