dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
be right there i have to get my cape
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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