4 words: hood of his car
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
