this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
