You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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