I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
