Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
