my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
