he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
