she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Randomize
