You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
